I went up to Birmingham Heartlands on Thursday for a videofluroscopy. This wasn't as bad as I had thought so now this joins my list of things I am waiting for as i wait for the results!
I have been feeling fairly chesty this week with low peak flows but i am determined to ride the storm and not have to increase my steroids yet again, this is looking like a challange that i may have to put the white flag up to!
I have felt so drained after my trip upto brum that i have slept for more or less a day and a half and still feel tired!
I am trying to stay positive on the work front, i have started to apply for benefits which i may be entitled to to help me out. My occupational health department are still waiting for a report from my specialist but the talk of redeployment is becoming more enhanced but maybe i have to look at this as a new challange and am clinging onto the fact that something medically will be sorted before my next appointment in november as otherwise this could affect my propects of remaining in work at the hospital.
There have been a number of programmes on recently about benefit fraud, i am finding this so fustrating as these people obviously know how to fill in these forms to get the benefits, i find it so hard to fill in as my worst day as these are days i dont really want to be reminded of so this is why i am loosing out!
Easy-wheezy
Saturday, 22 August 2009
Sunday, 16 August 2009
Having a rough time
Hello,
I have been having a bit of a rough time for the last few months and I am really struggling to cope with all the ups and downs.
I have been off work for 2 months now and it is looking likely that I will not be able to return to my profession. I have to look at it in the sense I have achieved what I wanted just maybe not for as long as I wanted! I have to try and change the way I look at things to more the glass is half full rather than my current way of half empty!!
I have had 2 admissions in a week so just as one bruise goes there is another to replace it!! I just want to find that magic drug which yes I am sure exsists!
I am a bit all or nothing recently, I want to compensate for not being at work so overdo it in the house, this also acts as a bit of distraction, stops me thinking! I feel guilty not being able to do things on a daily basis so when I can, I overdo it and then pay for it, I never learn!!!
I want people to understand what I am going through but it is hard, one day you can look fine then next minute your fighting for breath. Having an illness that is not visible is not easy, many a time I have been made to feel like a fraud!
I have been having a bit of a rough time for the last few months and I am really struggling to cope with all the ups and downs.
I have been off work for 2 months now and it is looking likely that I will not be able to return to my profession. I have to look at it in the sense I have achieved what I wanted just maybe not for as long as I wanted! I have to try and change the way I look at things to more the glass is half full rather than my current way of half empty!!
I have had 2 admissions in a week so just as one bruise goes there is another to replace it!! I just want to find that magic drug which yes I am sure exsists!
I am a bit all or nothing recently, I want to compensate for not being at work so overdo it in the house, this also acts as a bit of distraction, stops me thinking! I feel guilty not being able to do things on a daily basis so when I can, I overdo it and then pay for it, I never learn!!!
I want people to understand what I am going through but it is hard, one day you can look fine then next minute your fighting for breath. Having an illness that is not visible is not easy, many a time I have been made to feel like a fraud!
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